In the inaugural outing of Bricker's B-Squad a number of "firsts" were set ... the first walk, the first error, the first totally dropped ball, the first completely missed play, the first strike out, the first, "oh I was supposed to do that?" But the first that everyone will remember is the selfless act by short stop Keith Anderson who drew First Blood. Grabbing Most Valuable Player honors (see below) with both hands and a big part of his face, Anderson gave his all for the squad, even giving the ultimate price of a messy injury that is sure to haunt him for weeks, months and seasons to come. "When I came home my kids screamed in horror," Anderson notes, "but my wife didn't even notice." The accompanying photograph features Digital Wound Enhancement (tm) that allows the viewer to see the injury through a child's eyes.

Not that there weren't other players who gave it up for the cause. Meadows obliterated an outfielder from another game in a fruitless struggle to catch a fly ball. Zindren crushed the opposing team's manager in a close but ultimately "call-that-one-for-fleet-footed-Zin-at-first" collision that left one player limping to his dugout cursing. Zin quipped, "I knew I was there first," and the Ump couldn't agree more. It was a hockey-like effort, but it counted for an out.

So you probably want to know the score. Well, I would say the score was Bricker's B-Squad 1, the Rest-of-the-Planet 0. Our boyz played an inspired first game. For example, after a first half-inning where we were skunked by 6 runs, the B-Sauad batted like champions and returned the volley by scoring 6 runs. There was an inning where the B-Squad dropped the opponents in three quick outs, and several players of the opposing team that were "owned" by pitcher Tbone Anderson. "Strike one, Strike two, yer out!" they say. And they say it often. Off and on, Mr. Tbone was a terror. Plus we had two home runs, one from Ben "That's a Big Hit" Kehl and the other from Keith "My Face is Busted Up" Anderson.

In terms of victory and defeat, the evening ended at Dusty's Bar for Dagos. There was a long discussion of the lame-o team that Dusty's is currently sponsoring. For all the dagos and fun we are having at this establishment, there seemed to be consensus among the B-Squad drinkers and the waitress angling for a tip that we should be a Dusty's team next year.

Before we settle on a corporate sponsorship we will need to settle out some of the issues with fear. For example, the fear of a batter who thinks that the ball might be a strike. Or the fear of  a second baseman who thinks the throw from the blind short stop might be somewhat erratic. Or the fear of the outfielder who isn't sure where the players on the other field are. Or the general fear that oozes from our skin when we are so scared we want to pee our pants.

But I digress. The actual score of the game was 24-12, to the visitors, to the funny but hated Sportsman. Sure, they were a friendly team who had played at least one game before tonight. Though we vowed not to be competitive, some day we will beat those bastards and then we'll feel good.

Speaking of feeling good, a quick injury report. In addition to Keith, the following injuries are "going on": Mike Deitz (pulled shoulder blade--in the hospital--NO BLOOD), Steve Wein (totally fucked up back--addicted to morphine--NO BLOOD), and Brad "Buggs" Throdahl (high ankle sprain/splinted and a head full of darvocette--NO BLOOD. Said Throdahl, "This really sucks.") We obviously hope these people get better/out of the hospital/off the addictive pain killers. Nobody likes a Favre ...

-Bricker

          SCHEDULE!

* INDICATES HOME FIELD "ADVANTAGE"